When Breathe Becomes Air

I was introduced to this book from "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck", as it was mentioned when talking about how you choose to live your life. I came to this book hoping to gain a new profound understanding of what life means. I expected to simply be given the answer by a neurosurgen on the brink of death, thinking that he must've figured it out. How wrong I was.

This book wasn't written to tell the reader what to think. This book was written to remind people the duality of life and death. Written by someone who was both in control of lives while simultaneously staggering between his own.

The vivid descriptions he described of his training and the transition from student to doctor was so upfront it felt like he was describing the loss of his innocense. He started viewing life in a different light as he saw and understood the different components of which make it. I felt he started to view life as a balance. His unique situation also allowed him to understand more about what makes up the sense of self.

This book was really an emotional rollarcoaster. Reading this reminded me of the probability of life. How people think to themselves that it could never be me. But with statistics, oftentimes it doesn't matter if it's 1 in a million, if that 1 person is you. It made me not only appreciate the duality of the resilience and fragility of life but also the fairness of life. On one hand, life is so strong. Our entire body works together on the micro and macro level to fight off anything that tries to hurt us and keep us alve. Our brains and intellegence evolve to build societies with laws to ensure stability and growth. And yet one day, one of your little cells might just decide that it doesn't want to die. Oh shit.

Reading this I'm reminded of one of my favorite minecraft youtubers growing up. Technoblade, who got arm cancer and sadly passed away. He was only 23. Or the elderly person at my church who got brain cancer that pushed against his nerves to his right arm and had to get surgery. and the author of this book who was doing an amazing job as a doctor, saving patients even while battling his own cancer.

All these people didn't die immediately. When they had cancer they went through surgery, therapy, everything. They are strong. They continue fighting. But ultimately they will sooner or later no longer be with us. After reading this book I have a much more developed respect for doctors especially surgens, and a deeper appreciate for enjoying life everyday. Is what I wanted to say. But looking back on the past months of my life I have chosen to live, I wouldn't say I lived life to the fullest knowing that it could end suddenly.

This really frustrates me. Why does the human concious and subconcious act so differently. Conciously you can acknowledge your mortality or tell yourself certain things. But it is ultimately the brain itself that either motivates or stops you from doing work. Lastly, if there is one lesson I'd get from this, and this is a lesson from my wise mom, it is that if you ever feel pain or umcomfortableness, never think of it as an inconvenience and always try your hardest to seek medicial help even for something trivial. My mom would tell me how when I was little, everytime I got a cold or the flu she would bring me to the hospital. And ultimately this was also the advice I took myself when I stomach started hurting and it turned out to be appenditis. If I had not listened to my mom or if Paul had done more extensive tests on himself when he first started feeling back pain, then I'm not sure what would've happened. But I might not be reading this book.